


A Third Chance At Life And Love

by Jinxter



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-02 00:11:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2792711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinxter/pseuds/Jinxter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A re-write from the 4x11 town line scene onward, so there is the canon OQ kiss but that's it for that, things take a big turn after it. Marian/Regina brotp, pre/eventual Swan Queen.</p><p>What happens when someone you trusted lets you down?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Leaving Storybrooke

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all. This has been buzzing in my head since I watched the 4A finale, had to get it out. If I end up liking it I'll probably edit the heck out of it, but here you go, if you want to read it in it's rough, un-beta'd state. :)

She takes a breath and walks towards the family standing at the line ahead of her. She's trying not to think of herself, because here she is, and here is the woman she once killed on the verge of dying again at the hands of another, this time. She's hunched over and holding her cloak around her, her lips turning blue and flecks of ice clinging to her eyebrows. A white streak cuts a distinct contrast through her sleek, black hair. 

No, she took everything away from this woman once, and she won't do it again. 

"The diner I told you about is just a few miles down the road." She says to Robin, and he's nodding repeatedly and looking behind him, his face contorted in a pained expression.

"Right, Regina-" He starts to say, but she cuts him off. This is not about her. Not about them.

"You have the map I gave you?" She pauses, and he nods again, his lips pressed together in a flat line. "And the money, so that should be plenty to get you started." It's all so hurried, it was only minutes ago that Marian collapsed in the park, but they didn't have time to waste.

"Yes, but-" He tries again, and again she cuts him off. This is not about him either.

"Good." She interrupts, then smiles and dips her head. "Then you should go." She's strangely at peace with this decision. After everything that had happened since meeting him, since seeing his tattoo, his choosing her hadn't felt the way she thought it would. It was underwhelming and surreal, and Marian had been standing metres away from them playing with Roland and none of it had felt right. This doesn't feel right either, when she thinks of Marian's face in the diner, giving Regina her blessing if Robin chose her, a move she had not anticipated and wasn't sure she understood. Everything felt different after that.

"Thank you." He says, and there's a weight to it, but she's not really sure what he's thanking her for. She's sending him away, she's repeatedly pushed him away, and he's thanking her. She supposes it's belated appreciation for saving Marian's life, but she can't be sure.

Marian flinches with a strong shiver and a moan escapes, and her time is ticking away with every second. Regina and Robin rush to her, he places an arm around her shoulders, and she hugs Roland to her a little tighter.

Regina notes the increasing blue and the drooping of the woman's eyelids. "She needs to cross the line now." She stresses to Robin, and his face contorts again, his forehead pinched together.

"Okay you guys go and I'll be right behind you, I promise. I just... I just need a moment, okay?" He says to his wife.

She looks at him with a hint of frustration and disappointment but it melts away. "Of course." She turns to Regina and their eyes lock, and there is sadness and gratitude but strangely no animosity, and Regina feels a shiver of admiration at the goodness in this woman's heart. A woman good enough to help Robin become a better man, a woman strong enough to stand defiant against the Evil Queen's rage, a woman smart enough to not hold onto a man who does not love her. "Thank you." She says to Regina in a breathy whisper, a shuddering inhalation following it, her body shivering uncontrollably.

Regina smiles, and is surprised to feel her sadness increasing at the loss of this woman from her town. Her eyes drop to Roland, sweet Roland, so young and innocent and unaware of the unfortunate way his parents have ended up back together. Driven by circumstance and not by love.

The pair turn and step over the line, and Marian throws her head back as warmth blasts through her, the tendrils of painful ice swirling and slipping from her as she passes fully through the town barrier. She smiles with great relief and joy, and laughs, and picks up her son as he calls her Mama and throws his tiny arms around her neck. 

Regina watches them, her own heart warming and aching at the same time. She had suspected but she knows for sure when Marian twirls Roland around and then looks back towards them, her eyes not meeting anyone, her expression falling, Regina knows she can't see them. They're invisible, they're just fairytale characters living in a magic bubble. 

"Robin?" Marian calls, slight concern in her voice.

"Your family is waiting." Regina says to him, wanting this to be over, wanting Marian to not be all alone out there in an unfamiliar world.

He shuffles backwards towards the line and looks back at his wife. There's a set to his jaw, a new determination. She looks down at the ground and waits for him to cross. But the movement is towards her, and she looks up just in time for his hands to grab her face and he's pressing a kiss to her lips. It's like other kisses, but it isn't. She doesn't feel it, whatever was there before, the need for him to want her. But it's their final farewell, and after a moment she kisses him back before she pulls back and tilts her face downwards away from his lips.

His hands are still on her cheeks and he's shaking his head, he presses his forehead to hers. "I..." He whispers.

"I know." She says, and she understands the anguish he feels, she thinks she should feel it too, and she wonders if it will be a matter of time before it hits her or if she's just not capable of feeling it. She smiles slightly at him, meant to be reassuring, she's not sure if it is. 

"I can't." He whispers."

She pulls back from him and his hands slide away from her face, they reach out to her but she pushes them away. "What?"

His brow rises, and his cheeks pull back in a half grimace. "I can't do it. I can't leave you. You're my soul mate." He says, and reaches for her again only to be rejected again.

Regina steps to the side and places her hands on her hips. "Robin, your wife and son need you. You have to go with them. They're waiting for you."

He swallows and looks across the line, and she not sure if he knows that they can't see or hear him. 

"Papa!" Roland calls out, and Regina's heart breaks for him. She remembers the pain and sadness in Henry's eyes in that short period of time that felt like an eternity when he didn't believe she loved him. She feels anger flare at the fact that for Roland, that awful belief in the lack of his parent's love might actually be true.

He looks back to her. "I can't."

Her life for the past 13 years revolved around her son, right from the first minute she held him in her arms she wanted to give him everything he could ever hope for. She wanted the life for him she never had, her own childhood memories marred by the mother who couldn't fully love her without her heart, and her father who offered comfort but never protection. Roland wasn't even her child and yet she wanted so much to protect him from what his father was trying to do to him now. The unthinkable. Robin wanted to abandon his child for her.

She threw her head back and laughed. She laughed loudly, and laughed harder at Robin's confused expression. She laughed at her inability to see this man for who he was, at the way she had been too blind to see he had already started to abandon him before, always leaving him with Little John to chase after her.

The anger flared more, and her magic began to swirl inside her. She laughed again, it turning bitter and sour in her mouth. "That would be right, wouldn't it!" She shouted, at him, but not really at him. "Fate dealt me a shitty life, why wouldn't she deal me a shitty soul mate as well?"

"Regina-" He begins.

"No!" She shouts at him. "Pixie dust may have deemed you worthy of my heart once, but I still have a choice. I make my own destiny. Marian may have made you a better man, but deep down, you never changed. You threw away the code you came to live by at the first opportunity. At one time I may have only been worthy of you, but now, you're not worthy of me."

"Regina!" He tries again and reaches out, she steps back to avoid his grasp.

"Go over there!" She yells at him, and points to the huddled group of Merry Men, looking not so merry, looking rather terrified actually.

Robin steps towards her again, his hands outstretched to grab her again. She waves her hand and he stumbles as her re-appears in a purple cloud next to his fellow thieves. He moves again to come towards her and with another flick of her wrist his feet are stuck to the road.

She growls low in her throat and glares at him as she walks up to the line. She places her hand against it and feels it's magic tingle through her body. She closes her eyes and focusses, and reaches her arm through. She waves in a come hither motion and watches as Marian approaches her seemingly disembodied arm. A warm, soft hand slides into her own and she pulls gently, feeling the woman resist momentarily before stepping forward and allowing the chill to cut through her again as she passes the border back into Storybrooke, Roland at her side.

"Wegina!" He says excitedly, and she smiles down at him hoping that he doesn't see the sadness in her eyes. 

Marian shivers and looks across at her husband. "What-"

"I'm sorry, Marian." Regina says, and Marian's deep brown eyes turn back to her. Regina sighs. "He wouldn't go. I'm sorry."

She frowns. "But his feet..."

Regina waves her wrist and Robin stumbles forward again. "Marian, I'm sorry." He says, and Regina throws her hand up to stop him.

"Marian you have to cross the line, there's no time to waste." She's still holding the woman's cold hand, and she squeezes it. "I may need assistance to get back across the line, I believe light magic is required to pull someone back in, so I need to talk to Emma. But I will come with you." The younger woman's eyes are locked on hers in disbelief. "I will come with you."

Robin speaks up. "If you can pull me back through then I could still go." He offers.

With a scoff and an eye-roll, Regina glares at him. "I wouldn't count on me pulling you back any time soon." Marian also casts him a glare, somewhat softened by her drooping eyelids and constant shaking. "She deserves to be chosen, Robin." She says harshly, and in an instant Marian's eyes are back on her. She smiles, then looks at the woman's clothing and realises her earlier mistake. She bites her lip and with a wave of her hand Marian's rich maroon cloak becomes a woollen pea-coat, sitting over fawn trousers, and a pale pink woollen sweater. The woman looks down at her new attire and smiles weakly.

"Go, start walking to the diner if you like, I'll meet you there." She places her other hand on top of Marian's. "I will come."

The woman takes one last look at her husband, her lip curled up slightly, and she steps back across the line, inflating back to life again as the cold disappears from her veins, and she walks hand in hand with Roland away from them. She looks over her shoulder once, and she looks seemingly right at Regina, then continues on her way.

"Regina, we can talk about this." He steps towards her yet again, his arms outstretched. 

"Wait here." She says firmly, and with a wave of her hands she disappears in a cloud of purple smoke.

She re-appears a few minutes later with a stunned looking Emma by her side. She points at the line. "Cross it."

"Why? Will you..." He hesitates, cautious now around the angry woman.

She huffs out a breath. "Emma is going to practice pulling you back over the line." He looks at Emma and back to Regina, his pleading expression changing instantly to concern for himself. "Just cross the damn line, Robin. If she can't pull you back over, I will." He steps across the line and looks back towards them absently. "Maybe." She mutters under her breath.

Taking Emma by the arm, they walk up to the barrier in front of Robin. "Okay, touch the barrier lightly, feel it's magic. Let your own magic out a little, just let them mix, now press through and take Robin's hand, there you go, and feel it..." Emma stops when Robin's hand reaches the barrier. "Close your eyes, Emma. Imagine you are part of the barrier, and you are letting Robin pass." The barrier shimmers, and he steps back over to their side with a smile on his face.

"Regina, I-" He starts, and with a wave of her hand, he and his Merry Men are transported back to their camp in the woods.

Emma looks at her, eyebrows raised. "Do you want to tell me what's really going on? This is more than just a border magic lesson, isn't it."

The brunette nods. "Marian's heart still contained some of Ingrid's curse. She wasn't cured by true love's kiss, so after I put her heart back she began to freeze again. She had to go into the land without magic to survive. Robin was going to go with her, but there was a change of plans. I now intend to go with her." 

"Whoa." Emma says. "You can't just leave us like that!"

Regina shakes her head incredulously. "You're one to talk, Miss Swan!"

"What about Henry?" The blonde is pacing in front of her now. "Why can't Robin go with her?"

She reaches out and places her hand on Emma's arm, stopping her motion. "Emma, I needed you here just now to make sure you could bring me back in. I plan to come back."

Green eyes look into hers with concern. "When?" 

"Give me ten days. Be here at 12 noon on Sunday week. I'll be waiting for you."

The blonde smiles at her and nods to confirm. "I'll be here. Where are you going?"

Regina sighs and looks out past the barrier. "I'll need to set her up with somewhere to live, look at schools for Roland, daycare, work..."

"Why don't you guys stay in my apartment in New York?" Emma asks. "It's still there, the rent was paid automatically out of the account you set up, it's a nice building, it's in a good school zone." Her face softens. "Thank you for that, by the way. I'm not sure I ever really told you how much..." Her eyes blink as she tries to clear the moisture. "It meant so much to me, to have that life."

The brunette smiles warmly. "You're welcome, Emma. And yes, that would be perfect, actually."

"Well poof us to the apartment and I'll get you the keys." Emma holds her hand out expectantly. 

Regina takes it, but they don't move. "Concentrate on where the keys are." She says, then she opens the palm of her other hand and Emma is surprised to see the keys."

"How did you do that?" She asks.

She just smiles. "Magic." Emma shakes her head and chuckles. "Thank you, Emma. Please, tell Henry I love him and I'll be back." The blonde nods again and Regina smiles. "Now, should I take you back to the station, or somewhere else?"

"The station is good." She grins. The women disappear in a puff of smoke, which hasn't even fully dissipated by the time Regina arrives back by herself. She opens the trunk of her car and bites her lower lip while she thinks. She conjures three suitcases filled with clothes and toiletries, then a picnic basket filled with food. She closes the trunk and conjures a child seat in the back, and an MP3 player with a radio tuner in the front. In the glovebox appears the licence and registration papers, a stack of cash, and official documents for Marian and Roland. She sits in the car and with a final movement a navman appears on the dashboard.

She starts the engine and drives forward slowly, she feels the resistance of the barrier as the bumper touches it. She concentrates her magic through the steering wheel, she can feel it sapping her strength, but she feels the car roll forward, and the tingling sensation passes as she pops out the other side. The road behind her is empty in the rear-view, no Leaving Storybrooke sign, no red painted line across the bitumen. She takes a deep breath and drives away, to collect Marian and Roland, and set them up in this new world.


	2. Chapter 2

The long drive had been very tiring and she's feeling the stress of driving on unfamiliar roads and in far heavier traffic than Storybrooke ever had, even during town events. The GPS had directed her to their destination but she curses as she misses the entrance into the basement parking garage and has to take a long, slow lap around the busy city block in peak hour traffic.

Eventually she presses the button on the fob on Emma's keychain and the roller shutter opens, allowing the Mercedes to descend down the ramp and she parks in the allocated spot. With a sigh and a tired smile to her passenger, she steps out and stretches her aching back. Marian climbs out also and moves her seat forward to reach her sleeping son in his car seat.

"Roland, honey. It's time to wake up." She strokes his face lightly, his little dimples dotting his cheeks as he scrunches his eyes and smacks his lips, waking up.

He rubs his eyes. "Mama? Are we there?" 

"Yes, baby. We're here." Marian unclips his restraint and slides her hands under his arms, lifting him out and into her arms. He clings onto her, his legs wrapping around her waist.

Regina lifts the picnic basket and one of the suitcases from the trunk and reaches in to empty the glove compartment. "I'll come down for the rest once we're in and settled." 

She doesn't miss the apprehension in Marian's eyes as they enter the elevator, she's biting her lip and flinches when the doors close. The ride is fast, at least, and Roland's eyes fixate on the small pine-tree air freshener that someone has taped to the wall, his thumb in his mouth and a handful of Marian's long hair. She swallows down the memory of Henry at that age, no longer sucking his thumb but often playing with her hair. 

They step out and look both ways before walking down the hall to apartment 311. She unlocks the deadlock with the second key she tries, and then unlocks the door latch with the other. The apartment is cool with the heating turned right down, and she pushes a few buttons on the panel as Marian carries Roland into the living area.

She hefts the basket onto the kitchen counter and walks to the window. The white roller blinds are open and the late afternoon sun is streaming in, the Empire State Building visible from the window nearest the kitchen. Regina turns to her right and sees the open door into the master bedroom, Emma's bed messy and unmade, and she smiles and shakes her head.

"This is lovely." Marian says, gazing out the window and pinching a leaf of the wilting potted shrub between her fingers, it's soil dry. She's set Roland down now and he's looking around his new home, dark eyes wide and mouth open. She wants to grumble that anything is better than a tent in the forest, but she bites her tongue. The pair disappear through the doorway off the living room, and soon after the flushing sound that follows she hears Roland shriek with delight at finding Henry's room.

She finishes her task of emptying the refrigerator of it's expired items and mouldy vegetables, glad at least that the memories she imprinted on Emma had inspired her to improve her eating habits. For Henry's sake. She leaves the double-bagged trash near the front door and follows the playful giggles and stands at the doorway to the boy's room. A small gasp escapes her as she realises how much it looks like Henry's room in her own house, from it's colour scheme to the bookshelves and numerous clocks. As she looks closer she sees the toys, perched on top of a chest in the corner. His stuffed toys, the exact same as those in her house, down to the re-stitched rabbit that lost an arm to Pongo when Henry was younger than Roland.

She frowns and wonders whether she had magicked his belongings or copies of them into Emma's car at the town line or whether these were replicas, since Henry's bedroom back in Storybrooke still contained the exact same toys. She knows, having spent hours sitting in his room before he knocked on her door pleading with her to allow him come back to her.

"I'll just take out the trash and collect the other suitcases. Would you like to go out for dinner, or I could cook something for us here?" She asks the woman sitting on her son's bed reminding her that she should be with him right now. She misses him.

Marian smiles and shrugs her shoulders. "It has been a long day on the road, it would be nice to stretch my legs, but I am happy to do as you wish."

"It has indeed. I don't much feel like cooking." She says. "I noticed an Italian restaurant around the corner from here, I believe it will have food that you and Roland will enjoy."

"I'm hungry!" Roland exclaims, pointing the plastic sword he has found under Henry's bed at Regina.

She holds her hands up in surrender, a flicker of warmth returning to her, and a flash of anger at his father. "Then we shall get you some food, young knight." He reciprocates her smile, and she feels a twinge of loss as she lets go of the times she considered him her future step-son and thought she would have the opportunity to be a mother again, a mother to this adorable boy.

She avoids eye contact with his real mother as she turns and exits the room, collecting the trash and placing it in the chute before entering the elevator. She steadies herself with one hand against the wall once the doors close and sucks in a breath only to exhale forcefully. The damn pine tree jiggles as the car descends.

They order a glass of wine each for the women and skip the entrees. After she explains a number of items on the menu to Marian, she decides on the beef tenderloin, and she chooses the chicken scarpiarello for herself. Roland discovered the joy of spaghetti during his time in Storybrooke, slurping the strands into his mouth, dimples puckered adorable. Regina ordered that for him with meatballs. She orders sides of broccoli and a green salad as well and knows that it will be far too much for them to eat.

Marian is bubbling with questions, but the small amount of privacy their booth provides them is not enough for them to ask them without causing other patrons to wonder where this woman came from who knows nothing about this world. She answers a few asked in hushed tones, and grimaces as the realisation the scale of the task she has undertaken. 

Unlike the victims of her first curse who obtained knowledge of this world with their false identities, those who came with the second curse did not receive it magically. She wished she had thought to impart some knowledge before they crossed the town line, but with Marian's impending demise she had not thought ahead past saving her life. Her throat tightened as she forced the thought from her head that compared her actions at all with those of the Saviour.

Safely ensconced back in the apartment, Marian lets loose a barrage of questions about their evening while they work together to change the sheets on Henry's and Emma's beds. She answers to the best of her knowledge, although she has to admit that she doesn't have much knowledge of New York itself or exactly what they will do to get themselves set up.

After Roland has gone to sleep, they sit in the living area, and for a moment a distinct awkwardness descends upon them.

"Regina, I can never thank you-"

"Don't." She cuts her off. "Please, don't." She can't bear to receive praise from a victim she doesn't even remember killing. She rises from the couch and walks over to the window.

"You have saved my life three times now." She hears Marian moving behind her but she keeps her eyes on the city skyline.

"For thirty years I had taken it. Nothing I do can make up for that." She turns to face Marian, she's turned towards her but is still sitting on the sofa. "I know you don't feel it because to you, you never died, but you missed years of Roland's life. I only lost one year of my son's and I know..." Her voice wavers and she clears her throat. "Nothing can compensate for that."

"I know." Marian says, and her eyes drop to the wooden floor boards. "But I do thank you for trying to."

She laughs, though not with mirth. She does not understand this woman at all. "You were saved from my past-self's clutches by the daughter of my nemesis, brought to a world you don't belong to, where I was in a relationship with your husband, and I then took you away from everyone you did know to an even more unfamiliar world where you will be alone. I really don't think you should have any desire to thank me for any of it, or be kind to me at all." Her voice had raised higher than she intended it too and she glances up at the closed door to Henry's- to Roland's room and tries to calm her breathing.

"You are not now who you were then. You were mad with vengeance, but I saw you with Snow, you have mended your relationship." She scoffs at that and rolls her eyes knowing full well she will never forgive Snow. "You allowed Robin to make a choice. In fact he said you pushed him away, many times, toward me. And you did not curse me nor cause me to have to move to a land without magic. I would do it again, and I would do it alone just to have another chance to live, and that I have Roland with me now means the world to me." Her voice is quivering with emotion.

She crosses her arms and looks back out the window. "There may be a way." She says quietly. Marian looks up and Regina turns back to her. "Henry has broken two curses, once with a kiss from Emma, and once with a kiss from me."

"True Love's Kiss?" Marian asks, though she knows the answer. True Love can break any curse.

"Yes. Once Roland bonds with you again, fully, I believe we should try bringing you across the line again so he can kiss you. If he can break the curse that freezes you, you can at least live among people you know. People from our land. You won't feel so alone."

Her smile is wide. "Do you really think so?"

"I can't be sure, but I believe so. Roland is much younger than Henry, though. I think... I think it would be wise to start a routine. Get him to close his eyes and think of how much he loves you before you kiss his forehead."

"Forehead?" Marian's brow furrows slightly.

She shrugs, an unusual move for her and it seems too casual. "You could try the cheek but both curses were broken by kissing Henry's forehead, may as well use the same technique."

"How long do you think it will be before we can try?" The woman's face brightens and she feels growing anxiety that she is giving this woman false hope.

"I don't know. You were freezing quickly before we left, I don't know how many times or how long you will be able to spend inside the line before the curse takes full effect. If I am forced to remove your heart again, I can't replace it in this world. The only chance would be if Roland were able to wake you-"

"But True Love's Kiss wouldn't work without my heart." Marian interjects, the laws of magic well known throughout the Enchanted Forest, absent of the recent surprise heartless curse breaking between herself and her son.

"Actually I didn't have my heart when I broke Zelena's curse. There is a chance, but it's one I don't want to us to be forced to rely on if we can help it. I still don't know quite how it happened for me, and may be to do with Henry having the heart of the truest believer." She concedes.

"Henry does? That's wonderful."

"It is." She smiles proudly, then it fades. "Until someone like Pan tries to steal it. We almost lost him a year ago." It was thanks to Pan that she did lose him for that year, and she feels the anger burning in her stomach towards the childish man, and her belief is renewed that Marian must feel similarly towards her for her own loss of time.

"I am glad you didn't." There is a lingering silence which Marian breaks with another question. "Robin said Emma is Henry's other mother." Regina nods. "When did you part?"

It takes her a moment to understand the meaning. "Oh! We didn't. Emma gave birth to Henry and I adopted him as a baby. Emma re-entered his life three years ago." But she knows that Emma now has memories of raising Henry from a baby as well, and she thinks of Emma holding him as a baby, carrying him on her hip as a toddler, teaching him to ride a bike. She knows the memories aren't real, not to any of them, yet they are pleasant and that surprises her.

"Oh, I see." Marian says, and she wants to ask more but the other woman is moving her suitcase to the corner of the room, she unzips it and removes grey silk pyjamas. "Roland asked after his Papa when I put him to bed." She watches the woman pick at her fingernails. "How do I tell my son that his father chose another woman over him?" Large brown eyes look up at her and she feels guilt. The guilt of being the chosen one, all the while the voice in her head calling her foolish for believing she ever truly could be. "You're lucky to have Emma." Marian states. "Someone who loves your son as much as you do."

She thinks of the photo beside Emma's bed of her and Henry's faces squashed together, the city spread out far below them. Green and hazel eyes filled with joy, rosy cheeks, smiles as wide as she had ever seen on either of them. Smiles she had not so long ago thought she would never see again, and she feels the ache of the missing year seeping into her. "Would you like to use the bathroom before I shower?" She asks, and Marian shakes her head.

She turns the water up to hot and lets it pour over her until her skin is red but it doesn't assuage the throbbing ache in her chest. She switches it right down to cool, slaps her hand on the slick tile and bites her lip as the now chilly water soothes her burning skin. Her tears feel warm against her cheeks.

This is nothing like she wanted. She gave up everything for her son to have a happy life with Emma, and she can tell just by being here that they had it. Emma, the woman who always ran, had settled. She can feel the love in every room, in the bright colours, the photos, she can imagine their day to day routines they went through while she longed to be with him for that whole year.

Then she found Robin and though he could never replace her son, she hoped that maybe with him, some day, she could find some form of happiness again. But she carried so much fear with her when she was with him, that he would eventually reveal his true feelings, that he could never love the woman who murdered his wife. Or that some day Roland would learn of his mother's fate and as with Henry, he would look at her with that hollow, angry expression and once again happiness would slip away from her. 

She wanted to push them away from the start, and she did. She antagonized him and bickered, attempting to drive away his desire for her. But she was so lost without Henry, her heart so fragile, that she began to warm to the love he offered even though she didn't believe he could mean it. She didn't believe it could last.

And it hadn't. She chuckles to herself, water flowing over her lips and into her mouth, and she spits it out. It hadn't lasted, but it was on her. He still wanted her, still desired her, but she found herself demanding more of the man supposed to be her soulmate. More than someone who would choose to be separated forever from his son for his own happiness.

She turns the shower off and wraps the plush towel around her shivering self, grateful that Emma's appreciation for quality was now similar to her own. She dries off and squeezes as much water out of her hair as she can, deciding to not blow-dry it in case she were to wake Roland.

Padding barefoot into the dim living room, illuminated only by the white table lamp, and she sees that Marian has gone to bed leaving a stack of bedding on the red sofa. She had offered earlier to sleep in the living room, and part of her was annoyed that Marian hadn't objected, although she supposes for a woman who had gone from the forest to her dungeon to a stretcher in her vault, the idea of a bed would sound very appealing. She lays out a sheet, tucks it under the cushions, then spreads out another on top, followed by a thick comforter. She fluffs the pillow and drops it at the head end, then walked around the room lowering the blinds.

She lays on her makeshift bed and stares at the ceiling and tries to distract herself from the thoughts of loves lost by making a mental list of things to do. When it gets too long, she rises and looks around for a notepad and pen to write it all down. She rummages through the side table and finds a pen, but no writing paper. She tries the cupboard under the Tv but there are only DVDs and magazines. She spots what appears to be a couple of large ringbound pads in the bottom of the bookshelf and she gives a little triumphant smile as she tugs them free.

Flicking through the first as she walks back to her bed, she notices the pencil drawings inside. Initially the pages are mostly blank with only a rough outline of an eye, a jawline, a jacket collar. Sometimes there are notes in Emma's messy scrawl, dates, locations, emotions. Pieces, dotted through, the images starting to expand in their detail and scope, and her mouth drops open as she recognizes the woman in all the drawings as herself. As the Evil Queen, and for the most part, a very sad Evil Queen.


End file.
